Right now i'm on pins and needles. We are about to make what will likely be the largest and most important part of our life- a house. I'm terrified that it will somehow fall through.
Barring any rich folks' houses and historical homes i've been in, this is literally the most wonderful house i've ever had the pleasure of walking through. It's not a large house. It's not particularly ritzy, nor is it full of modern amenities; It was built in 1920, and it has it's own unique beauty that only someone who is meant to make this house a home could appreciate. Even my husband, who favors newer brick-style homes, was delighted the moment he stepped inside.
What's more, it is obvious that, through the entire 85 years that this house has been in existence, it has been loved and cared for as if it were a palace. It has a personality, one that called out to me like i've never felt.
Now I know that I am unworthy of being blessed with such a wonderful place to live, especially with so many in our area who lost their homes to Katrina. The longing that I feel to live in this house, and the fear I feel that I will never be able to, has made me reflective about all the blessings that I have been given by God, even at times when I thought I had been deserted by Him.
I have been poor many times, yet I have never lacked food or shelter. When my husband was laid off from his good job at General Dynamics, and had to work at a farm store warehouse while I worked as a bartender, we were fortunate to find this house we are now living in... with a landlord who was not greedy about rent when most landlords in this area are price gouging shysters. Finally my husband was a able to get a good paying job, and I was able to return to school, where I recently received my Associate's degree and a good job almost immediately. .
While thinking about the possibility of owning this house we want so badly, I have to remember that God is taking care of us, and always has. If we are not able to purchase this home, He will provide what is best for us, even if it isn't necessarily what we wish for. It's a matter of faith to believe that God has our best interests at heart, even when it seems like what is happening is the end of the world. How many times has something horrible happened, that we thought would absolutely destroy our sanity, and after a long period of healing we recognize that the tragedy led us to a blessing?
So, just not getting something we want badly can make us act like spoiled children, railing at the parent who was only looking out for our best interests by denying us our desire of the moment- to protect us from a bad choice that we were too blind to recognize.
I am praying very hard for this new old house. The one we live in right now is cramped and very uncomfortable... but it's so much more than what many people have. So if God removes our desire from our reach, I will do my very best to be obedient and say, "Thy will be done".